Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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