operation harelip BJ is a go
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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