That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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