He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize