Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
