So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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