Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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