apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
