he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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