I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
