Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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