I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't deserve a penis
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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