Soap is not a condiment
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
