Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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