yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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