very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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