if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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