Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
