Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
