I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
