so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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