Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
