No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
