I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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