A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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