I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize