we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
