I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When are your genitals available?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
