You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
