Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Randomize
