I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
