Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
