oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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