Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
