He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
