i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
