So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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