Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
