Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
