also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
