I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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