He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
50% drunk capacity currently
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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