everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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