i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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