I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
