found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
