so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
