DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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