is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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