I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
