there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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