Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
