Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
