I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The power of my boobs compel you
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
