I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We need to get me chipped asap
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
