love makes seman taste better
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
