Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
