1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
