I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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