I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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