Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
