Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
