and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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