I feel like abortions should bother me more
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
accomplished twins. life is a go
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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