Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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