i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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