pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just forgot I was standing up.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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