why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
