She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
