My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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