It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
